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If you find your
marriage stagnating, or find that you are too tired to keep the spark of
romance alive, you need help. Marriage requires effort to make it
vibrant and enduring. Sometimes it means listening to your spouse when
you'd rather go to sleep, hanging up the wet towel once again, and even
taking out the garbage. Putting your partner first through little daily
acts of kindness, or mounting a concerted effort to replace negative
habit patterns with positive ones, will help you treasure your marriage.
How to keep your marriage alive:
Choose to really listen to your spouse. Don't just think
about how you are going to respond.
Look for ways to serve, not be served. Let your spouse
choose the movie, have the favorite section of the newspaper, or
choose the menu for dinner. Be ready to say, Let's do it your way.
Become friends for life. Men value doing things together,
while women value talking together. Foster quality time together
that combines activity and conversation. Take a cooking class
together, walk around the soccer field while your children practice
soccer, or run errands together.
Go on a date. Dates are really just scheduled time
together. Time is more valuable to a marriage than money. Create
time in your day by turning off the TV for 24 hours, or getting up a
half hour earlier each day to talk and pray. Let your children know
that you need time for just the two of you.
Be silly. Write each other notes or poems, buy little
gifts, call just to say I love you, give lots of hugs and
kisses, and consistently encourage one another.
Make a prayer date. Prayer is a unique resource for
Christian marriages. Start by reading Scriptures together. This will
help you get in tune with God and with each other. Talk about how
God has answered prayers in the past and how He has led you in your
life, your family, and your marriage. Make a prayer list and write
down specific requests. Later, write in the answers to your prayers.
If you don't think your spouse would consider doing this, take the
risk and suggest it. Let your relationship with God foster closeness
with your mate.
Adopt a daily sharing time. Set a regular time each
day when the two of you can spend 10 minutes and talk about these
four questions: 1. How are you feeling since we last talked? 2. Is
anything troubling you? 3. What plans do you have for the next 24
hours? 4. Are you aware of any issue in our relationship that we
need to talk about? Ideally, this would be the first thing in the
morning, before you start your day.
Do for others. Help build a house for Habitat for Humanity,
mow the lawn at church, adopt a missionary family, be an aunt and
uncle for a child in a single-parent home, help an elderly neighbor
with special needs.
Develop the encouragement habit. Be ready to give support
and comfort during the critical and the mundane times of life.
Decide to think positively. Decide that you are in the marriage for
the long haul and that it is going to be an adventure and a delight.
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