|
Answering Machine Messages
!. Hello, you are
talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need
siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity
through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with
me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
2. Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't
like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already
sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my
Financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my
friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of
money.
4. Hi. Mary's answering machine is broken. This is the
refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself
with one of these magnets.
5. This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic
thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for
calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your
call.
6. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone
right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
7. If you are a burglar, then we're probably home cleaning our
weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't
home and it's safe to leave a message.
8. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to
remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
9. Hello, you've reached Jim & Sonya. We can't pick up the
phone right now because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing
it up & down, and I like doing it left to right .......real slow.........So
leave a message, and when we get done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
| 
